Here's to new beginnings!

Well, John and I have a new house... Most of you do not know, because, believe it or not, not every single minute of my life, is posted for the whole world to see...  For some reason, certain people still seem to think so. (sorry I am a little bitter).  That is why I chose to leave the location of our new home undisclosed.  But I will post pics of the inside eventually.  3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, a double fireplace, custom Italian marble, and a little retro- chique twist.  I am pretty excited about our new home, and wasn't fond of the retro thing, but it is growing on me.  John and I also discussed it, and we decided to turn the 3rd bedroom, the smallest one, into my art room.  This is exciting, because I have put my passion for art aside for far too long, and it is about time I start getting into the swing of things again, or in this case, "the brush stroke of things".   So eventually, once we start getting the rest of the house out of boxes and all that fun jazz, then I can sneak away to my own private island and create and discover masterpieces from my inner soul.

Aside from the new house situation, I have a feeling that we wont be there as long as planned.  Which is a good thing, because we knew when we got ourselves into this that it was only going to be temporary, at least until some of my schooling was done.  However opportunity has arose to us, and we may be cutting it short.  So I have to keep telling myself not to get attached to our new little home.  John has received a business opportunity, actually he was offered part ownership of a business, and we are highly considering it.  In order to do this, we will have to move again.  The moving doesn't really bother me, so we are okay with that.  He will also have to have overnight business trips, sometimes for a couple of nights and sometimes for a week or so.  Hey, just because he was offered part ownership, doesn't mean he is not going to have to pull his own weight!  But in all reality, I think I am fine with these business trips.  A couple years ago, I would have thrown a fit, told him not to take the job, and all that upset wife stuff that is for the fear of being alone.   But I have grown up a lot in the past couple of years, and I have grown as a person.  So now I am prepared to sacrifice for our family.  I've done it before, and that was for 9 months! What's a week or so?  I am 100% sure that we will be just fine.  Besides with the way things have been going, I think we will be set financially and as a family.  Since John has received his VA rating things have been so good... We have felt less "stuck".  And that is a wonderful feeling.. Especially for us.   I think that the timing couldn't have been better.  I think that we are ready, and definitely better prepared for whatever the future throws at us.

So heres to new beginnings!!

Thanks for tuning in!
-MaiTai

The Bitch is Back! And I'm not talking about Kristen Cavillari! (rental supervision is advised)

I know how everyone misses my blogs; I hear it all the time. I miss hearing everyone's feedback too. It is just that I haven't been able to find the time to fulfill my social network's entertainment needs these days. We all know that in 95% of my blogs I'm bitching about ignorance, here's another to add to the list....

As you all know, I am one of the first people to speak my mind about anything and everything. I don't hold back, I'm brutally honest, and blunt. And although, I come across as being a bitch, I get respect for it, because I am one in a few that actually has the balls to stand up for what I think is right. Lately, unfortunately, I've been biting my tongue, pushing things under the rug, or turning a blind eye, and quite frankly I HATE it!!!! I have my reasons for shutting my mouth until I get into the privacy of my husband's or close friend's presence. One reason is the fact that I don't want to hurt someone because they are not use to my hard cold honesty or dry sense of humor, the other is that I feel like I have to protect someone and the results of my actions are considerable. Stupid reasoning, I know, but the bitch does have at heart, sometimes... The fact of the matter is that I'm done with that shit!!!!! I am so sick of being at someone else's disposal, I'm sick of being treated like shit because I hold my words back. I'm sick of certain people thinking they can treat me a certain way, or saying things to me because they THINK they can get away with it. In all reality it flat out pisses me off, and that anger has built up and guess what, I'M DONE! Starting today, I'm going to start being the bitch I'm known for. Starting today I am not going to bite my tongue! Starting today, you will probably regret ever saying the wrong thing to me. The Bitch is back and boy do some of you have a rude awakening!!!! On the bright side, I know a lot of you have been waiting for this moment; it's been far too long. What has it been? Almost 5 months without any Lamai Weekly Blogs or anything that makes you FB and MySpace users look forward to logging on... This one is for you, my devoted fans I love so much! ;)

Okay, back to serious and the point of this note. From today on, you say one little thing; ONE itty bity thing that pisses me off, I am blowing up like a fucking bomb! And trust me no one wants to see me at extreme pissed off-ness. I am not going to let you put your nose in my business anymore. What my husband and I do in our lives is none of your business except ours. You're not going to tell me what to do, or how to run my life. I do what I do! I am going to college for a fucking reason, not just for the fucking hell of it. And I will be more successful than you will ever fucking be! So get the fuck off my back. Isn't it going to suck when I am successful and you are the one needing the favor and I flat out tell you to go fuck yourself? That karma is a bitch isn't it? Because trust me, I will remember who did me dirty and who was more supportive.

Speaking of supportive. I am so sick of people belittling the Military, especially when it has to do with my husband. Let's get one thing straight. I am not looking for handouts, and neither is my husband! What I am looking for is respect. The lack there of is rather ridiculous! I am so sick of hearing that the Military gets paid way too much, along with several other comments that just really get under my skin. Let me clear some things up. The Military gets paid jack shit for what they do, plain and simple.

I'll lay down John's situation for you, since obviously it hasn't been made clear from observing your ignorant comments and how you act. Read this carefully= John was BLOWN UP when he was deployed, not once, not twice, but 3 different times by IED's (dummy translation= Improvised Explosive Devices, or breaking down dummy translation- Things that blow up!) In result, his back is broken in two different places, TWO. One wrong move and he can become paralyzed for the rest of his life. That's why we've been contemplating on surgery with his doctors. One wrong move with surgery and he can become paralyzed for the rest of his life as well. Obviously you didn't know that he has TBI too, (dummy translation- BRAIN INJURY) and PTSD (Dummy translation- Post TRAUMATIC Stress Disorder) Since you're obviously so ignorant that you can't figure out what that means, it means that he has nightmares, anger rages (yeah you didn't know that did you) anxiety, among many other problems that is caused from this.

Now since you're so nosey, let me break this down for you. We will get income from the VA because the Marine Corps was nice enough to medically retire him. RETIRE, meaning he gets the benefits as if he was in for 20 years. So NO, he did not get "medically discharged". Since he was RETIRED and not medically discharged, the Marine Corps also gives us a monthly income. The reasoning is because his injuries happened during combat, and it is just morally wrong not to. So NO we are not mooching from the government!!!!! And the Military/Veterans are not the reason our government is poor! Welfare fags are the reason for this! These Veterans deserve actually more than what they get! Especially men (I say men because women aren't allowed to fight in combat) who are in John's situation. For instance his really good friend, Mike, who was in his unit, has shrapnel in his chest for the rest of his life, because if they remove it, it will stab his heart and he will die! They deserve that VA money! And if you think otherwise, then read these words of mine carefully--

*What the fuck have you done sitting on your comfy couch getting fat? Because until the day that you go over there, and fight for the right for your fat ass to sit on the couch some more, SHOOT A FUCKING KID SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES BECAUSE HE WAS SHOOTING AT YOU, KILL HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE TO SAVE YOURSELF, AND GET BLOWN UP, until you do all of this while looking at the possibility that you might not make it back home, then you have no room to fucking talk. In fact you shouldn't talk at all! Because people like me, who put up with your bullshit as well, will call your bluff on your so-called opinion and tell you to go jump off a cliff! * With that said, fuck you, and when you can actually have an cerebral conversation about the Military, my life, and my husband, then you can come talk to me! (dummy translation- cerebral means intellectual, intellectual means smart).


Thanks for tuning in!
-To my devoted blog stalkers/fans! ~ Oh how I’ve missed you so! 


Until next time!
-MaiTai

Our Feline Ways.

We are all just puppets on a string, or maybe like cats. Someone dangles a feathery-shiny thing in front of us, so we chase after it to embrace it because that feathery-shiny thing is everything, our whole life and then the dangler just rips it away from us, so we keep chasing it, determined... Why do we do this? When it's a never ending battle, reaccuring, hopes and dreams within arms reach to get ripped away all over again. And everytime the world around us crumbles until that next moment we catch that feathery-shiny thing that dangles, waiting to run...

Karma in hot pursuit!

So last night John and I, and some black kid, were taking Johns buddy to the airport, and experienced one of the funniest, scariest, shocking things ever!!!!!! Heres our story:

We were driving along the 62 minding our own business, listening to some tool, and talking about who knows what, when we start to pass this long dark-haired girl.  I looked over and she was chatting it up on her cellular device, when we all know that it is ILLEGAL in the State of California to drive while talking on your phone, you're not even suppose to text in the State of California, not that I'm a law-abiding citizen, hell I'm not even from this insane state, but the law is the law!!!!  Keep in mind that at this time we are in the left lane, her in the right.  Now we start to get to the end of the highway where it automattically exits onto the 10 so one lane goes towards Palm Springs the other toward L.A.  We want in the right lane because we are going to Palm Springs Airport.  So we are trying to get over, and this chick is still in our way, WTF?! So John speeds up and gets in front of her so we can change lanes before the lanes separate... And so she decides to change lanes too... So now, we are in the right lane and she is in the left.. Okay we're good we think..... She comes back around us, and is flipping John off, and John is like "WTF you dumb bitch".  Keep in mind that she is flipping us off, so where is her other hand you may ask..... IT'S STILL TALKING ON THE DAMN PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!! So at this point there is no hands on her stearing wheel! What is this bitch, psycho?  Now the highway is curbing to the right, we are on the right side of her car, and to her left, is this big ass dropoff! She starts to vere left, and at this time, I'm looking somewhere else, I just thought John was yelling to yell.. He does that a lot... And then I hear this craziest noise and look over and half of her car is on the road and half of it is going off this drop off!!! She's kicking rocks at our car, and somehow she manages to get it back on the road, but then she goes back off the side of the road again, gets it back on the road, goes into our lane right in front of us, SHE WAS AT LEAST 3 FEET FROM HITTING OUR CAR! She then tries to get it back in her lane and when she does, I literally saw her two drivers side tires come off the ground, and at that point I thought this bitch was going to flip her car and we were going to be in the middle of it, and somehow it plopped back onto all four wheels, she straightened it out, but was kinda going off the drop off side, and then she finally got it back in her lane!!!!! 

Now, I bet that girl feels like the dumbest person that ever lived, how embarrassing is that, thinking shes all big and bad, flipping someone off while talking on the phone, and while exiting onto a big ass interestate! Karma's a bitch, and I think it caught up with her yesterday, Friday, March 13, 2009 at about 4:45 pm.

So for you viewing pleasure I drew it out on paper for you all so you can get a visual!!! :)

Pic1: We are the pink car, and she is the blue.

Pic2: This is us, trying to go around her.

Pic3: We got around her and switched lanes, she's coming up beside us to flip us off.

Pic4: She goes off the road, almost flipping her car.  The orange line shows her path of travel and where she went on two wheels.

Thanks for tuning in!!! I hope our story fufilled all your entertainment needs, and I hope it was a lesson learned for that bitch! Please use your hands-free devices while talking on your phone and driving or you could die! For real! I witnessed it first hand, okay she didnt die, but almost!!!!!

-MaiTai

Combat Wife

Being a Marine Corps wife is hard enough, but being a COMBAT Marine wife is a trial all its own. What people dont realize is that just because someone has came home from combat doesnt mean that things are alright. They have seen things that no one could ever imagine. Sure you've seen movies about it, and thought they were so cool, but those movies dont even come close to what my husband went through, and they are just so overly candy coated. It haunts them, and sometimes it is scary being a Combat wife. This poem expresses what most combat wives go through, including me, the nightmares, the hauntings, its a very serious thing and some times it kills.................


Combat Wife

Here we go again,
no sleep tonight.
You're in the jungle, on patrol,
in another firefight.

You talk of war, I hear your pain,
I'm trying to be strong.
But the tales you tell me in the dark
torment me all night long.

It all comes back so crystal clear,
you scream, you thrash, you turn.
You grip me in an iron hold,
I feel your body burn.

Broken bodies, tortured minds,
faces of the dead.
Friends who died before your eyes,
forever in your head.

Open your eyes, turn on the lights,
it's only you and me!
It's just a chair, no one's there,
How many do you see?

Lay back down, I'm with you now,
I'll share your ugly dreams.
I won't leave, I'm here to ease
the suffering that you've seen.

We have so much to overcome,
but I won't give up, not yet.
I've made my choice to understand
the things you can't forget. 

A new year is unfolding, like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within...

There's an old saying that goes -"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."  Last January I would have been that pessimistic soul, but after experiencing the life lessons I have in this past year, I would like to think I'm more optimistic. 

There is also that good old saying that everyone knows, "Things happen for a reason".  I think I might actually believe that one is true, well these days anyway.  Losing my son was the worse thing that has ever happened to me, and definitely did its toll on my life. And now, after almost a year of grieving, hating the world, and wondering why it happened to me, I have realized a lot of things.  I now believe that John Raidens sole purpose here on earth was to get me back on track.  Me being the stubborn person that I am, took him a year to do it.  But he did it, and I am proud to call him my son! - My life before Raiden was slowly spiraling out of control, for myself and for mine and John's relationship.  John had his own issues he was dealing with, trying to adjust to civilian life after he got back from his deployment in Iraq.  Everything was just making us drift further apart.  And then John Raiden Gauge came into our lives, and at that moment we changed.  We still had our struggles, but our main priority, was to make sure the baby was healthy for arrival.  After Raiden passed away, it brought John and me even closer together. We were each others support system and still are. We have grown as individuals and as a family. Things couldn't get any better.

Before John Raiden came into our lives, I was a lonely soul, looking for what, I don't really know.  I had no purpose in life.  I dropped out of college in 05, so no degree, no job, just a lonely Military housewife that was stuck in a strange place with strange people, a couple thousand miles away from home. So, do things happen for a reason? I believe so. I think John Raiden's reason was to say, "Hey mom, grow the fuck up and get it together."

In the past year my son has helped me, along with the help and support of my husband, find myself, and has helped me be a better person.  I am so grateful  that I have found ME and glad that it's not too late.  In the past I would have never made a New Year Resolution. I would have straight up said "Fuck that shit, fuck goals, who needs them, I'll just wing it like I did the last!"  This year is different. I have a lot of plans, and goals, high expectations. And I plan on, and will achieve every single one of them.  Some of these are long term goals, so it will take me longer to get them underway but they will be done, that is a promise to myself, my son, and my husband!

The New Year has started off great!  John took me out to a nice dinner, where I had a big Margarita with a side floater, and then he took me to The River in Palm Desert, and we watched the movie The Day the Earth Stood Still, and got out just in time to have a romantic walk around the river, and have our first New Year kiss! Last night, we went back to The River had a nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Tomorrow is our 3 year Wedding Anniversary!  John Raidens first Birthday is on the 16th.  John and I are going to get tattoos in Raidens memory, we are going to go with another couple, Leslie and her husband, a friend I met out here who also lost her son, him and Raiden would have been about the same age, his birthday is in January too.  And I start school again, around the 19th, and here's where my resolution comes in.  I plan on actually sticking with school this time.  I plan on getting a degree in Psychology, and eventually I want to get my Doctorate.  After dealing with the struggles of John having PTSD and TBI, this is something that I am passionate about, and want to do with my life.  I plan on getting a job with the Military and help other guys and their families who suffer from Combat Stress related issues. 

I'm ready for a change, and I'm glad I took the steps to do so.  This is the new me, hate it or love it, either way, I still have long term goals to accomplish! With that being said! Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right!!!!!!!

As always, Thanks for tuning in!

The Day in the Life of MaiTai

I don't know, this is sort of random because I haven't really blogged lately so I'm just going to go with it.   Life is alright right now, but it's not great… In fact, it sucks a little bit.  I missed my best friends 23^rd birthday which really sucks badly.  She was having “bestie” withdrawls which doesn't make it any easier, since I'm always there for her. Or am I? Am I even a good Bestie anymore? What the fuck is wrong with me…  I have two of the best friends in the whole world and I feel like I'm failing them both… Was I there for Sherry on her 21^st birthday when she was having issues, really bad issues that I didn't know of until a month later? NO, I wasn't there because she lives in Missouri and I was in California.  Was I there for Samantha on her 23rd birthday when she's all sad. No I was in Missouri instead of California… So how did I get in the wrong places at the wrong time?  It's pretty much just my luck.

 I'm just slowly growing to hate life… Seriously, I can't stand people anymore and the people that I can stand are busy with their own lives or live far away.  I hate this town. Its bullshit… It's full of real bitches and hos! I recently found out that a girl that I don't even know was talking shit on me to one of my friends, saying that she didn't know why my friend hung out with me because I'm a bitch and I start shit…. Um when have I been in any kind of communication with anyone in the past 8 and half months?! I'm sorry I steer clear of that kind of shit. I've got enough shit on my plate.  MY SON FUCKING DIED! Have some common courtesy!  So what if I'm a bitch, get over it.  But I DO NOT start shit… I fucking finish it. But I never start it… It's just because these little fucking bitches will start shit out here, and then I'll confront them about it. I'm sorry I don't let people walk all over me, I actually have a backbone and I guess these little girls don't like that about me, because they can manipulate everyone else so they thought I'd be easy… Sorry to burst your bubble… Everyone back home in Missouri knows this about me, but the people out here are ignorant and just don't get it, I guess they've never met someone like me. Like I give a shit…

Speaking of my precious baby boy… John and I made time to go see him while we were back in Missouri… They finally set his stone… Which is beautiful, they did a really good job on it… And if you haven't seen it, there are pictures of it in his album… I can't believe that in about four months, it will be his one year birthday… And you fucking bet that John and I are going to be celebrating his birthday… We are going to buy him a gift, I'm going to make him a cake and we are going to release some balloons… We are going to make a whole day out of it… So in advance… It's okay to say something to us… We aren't going to shun you for saying something nice about our son… We've been getting that a lot, for example "I was going to say something but I just didn't want to hurt you anymore/bother you about it considering the circumstance". John Raiden is the love of our life and even though he's not here anymore doesn't mean we want to just forget about him all together, or have everyone else forget about him… One thing that really irks me about all of it, is when people act like he never existed and nothing even happened…. Because he did exist and he still does, and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be the woman I am today…

On a happier note… John is getting sent to Wounded Warriors Battalion in San Diego. So I'm out of here! Thank fucking god! No looking back! So long bitches!  We are just waiting on word to move… We already have the papers so pretty much one more step… So I'm halfway out the door… The only problem is I wish that they would hurry up… But I've been packing and cleaning to keep my mind off of things…  So pretty much that's a day in the life of MaiTai… What I've been putting up with, what I'm looking forward to, how I feel in general…. Thanks for tuning in….

Oh and P.S. We had a wonderful time in Missouri, and I already miss all of you! Yes you Daneta! Tell that kid that Santa Clause isn't coming to see her because I said so! I had so much fun with Sherry and Matt even though we got pulled over drunk!!! But its okay because we are over 21 and LEGAL! -that was the joke that night.... Chessedi, it was so nice seeing you and hanging out at the bar and drying out with you! ;) And everyone else… God I miss Missouri!! I love you guys! Somebody better come to California soon! Before I go crazy!