I don't know, this is sort of random because I haven't really blogged lately so I'm just going to go with it. Life is alright right now, but it's not great… In fact, it sucks a little bit. I missed my best friends 23rd birthday which really sucks badly. She was having “bestie” withdrawls which doesn't make it any easier, since I'm always there for her. Or am I? Am I even a good Bestie anymore? What the fuck is wrong with me… I have two of the best friends in the whole world and I feel like I'm failing them both… Was I there for Sherry on her 21st birthday when she was having issues, really bad issues that I didn't know of until a month later? NO, I wasn't there because she lives in Missouri and I was in California. Was I there for Samantha on her 23rd birthday when she's all sad. No I was in Missouri instead of California… So how did I get in the wrong places at the wrong time? It's pretty much just my luck.
I'm just slowly growing to hate life… Seriously, I can't stand
people anymore and the people that I can stand are busy with their own lives or
live far away. I hate this town. Its bullshit… It's full of real bitches
and hos! I recently found out that a girl that I don't even know was talking
shit on me to one of my friends, saying that she didn't know why my friend hung
out with me because I'm a bitch and I start shit…. Um when have I been in any
kind of communication with anyone in the past 8 and half months?! I'm sorry I
steer clear of that kind of shit. I've got enough shit on my plate. MY
SON FUCKING DIED! Have some common courtesy! So what if I'm a bitch, get
over it. But I DO NOT start shit… I fucking finish it. But I never start
it… It's just because these little fucking bitches will start shit out here,
and then I'll confront them about it. I'm sorry I don't let people walk all
over me, I actually have a backbone and I guess these little girls don't like
that about me, because they can manipulate everyone else so they thought I'd be
easy… Sorry to burst your bubble… Everyone back home in Missouri knows this
about me, but the people out here are ignorant and just don't get it, I guess
they've never met someone like me. Like I give a shit…
Speaking of my precious baby boy… John and I made time to go see him
while we were back in Missouri… They finally set his stone… Which is beautiful,
they did a really good job on it… And if you haven't seen it, there are
pictures of it in his album… I can't believe that in about four months, it will
be his one year birthday… And you fucking bet that John and I are going to be
celebrating his birthday… We are going to buy him a gift, I'm going to make him
a cake and we are going to release some balloons… We are going to make a whole
day out of it… So in advance… It's okay to say something to us… We aren't going
to shun you for saying something nice about our son… We've been getting that a
lot, for example "I was going to say something but I just didn't want to
hurt you anymore/bother you about it considering the circumstance". John
Raiden is the love of our life and even though he's not here anymore doesn't
mean we want to just forget about him all together, or have everyone else
forget about him… One thing that really irks me about all of it, is when people
act like he never existed and nothing even happened…. Because he did exist and
he still does, and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be the woman I am today…
On a happier note… John is getting sent to Wounded Warriors Battalion
in San Diego. So I'm out of here! Thank fucking god! No looking back! So long bitches!
We are just waiting on word to move… We already have the papers so pretty much
one more step… So I'm halfway out the door… The only problem is I wish that
they would hurry up… But I've been packing and cleaning to keep my mind off of
things… So pretty much that's a day in the life of MaiTai… What I've been
putting up with, what I'm looking forward to, how I feel in general…. Thanks
for tuning in….
Oh and P.S. We had a wonderful time in Missouri, and I already miss
all of you! Yes you Daneta! Tell that kid that Santa Clause isn't coming to see
her because I said so! I had so much fun with Sherry and Matt even though we
got pulled over drunk!!! But its okay because we are over 21 and LEGAL! -that
was the joke that night.... Chessedi, it was so nice seeing you and hanging out
at the bar and drying out with you! ;) And everyone else… God I miss Missouri!!
I love you guys! Somebody better come to California soon! Before I go crazy!
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