Sleep Deprived

Well ladies and gents I believe I have lived on at least 5 hours of sleep.... ALL WEEK! Yep thats right... I have baggy eyes and the whole works!!! I probably stink too.. no I shouldnt I took a shower... But thats beside the point... I miss John like hell... and theres nothing I can do about it.. I cant even call him just to call him.. I cant call at all... Theres no where to call... So all I do is sit at home and wait for him to call me.... I dont want to go to sleep because I dont want to miss his call... And when I finally say okay I'll go to sleep, I will wake up to receive his call.. I cant sleep because I'm so depressed!!! Its one thing to have a husband thats not home all the time because of his job...But its totally differnt when he's off in another country fighting in a damn war!!! He finally got to call today... It didnt really go so well... He wasnt very happy... Which is very understandable, I mean my poor baby, he doesnt get any sleep and when he does its just for a couple of hours and of course he's gotta be on alert at all times... Its a very stressful job... I totally get why he's in a bad mood.. It just hurts me to see him like that... I think he's ready to come home.. He says he hates it there.. Which who wouldnt! I know damn well I'm ready for him to come home.... But of course its only been a week.. One week and it feels like a damn century has past.... On a brighter note.. He was happy for a little bit... When he told me he bought me a present... And of course spoiled me got it out of him like I always do!!   Its a silver watch!!! With real diamonds in it!! Can you say BLING BLING!!!  Oh how I love my hubby wubby bear!! I definetly wasnt expecting that from him... I mean that was the sweetest thing ever!! He really didnt have to.. But he wanted to.. and that makes me so happy... It makes me forget about my worries and helps just focus on how loving and caring my husband is and how much I love him... But ya know even with a wonderful present like that from my dearest husband.... At the end of the day.... I still go to bed alone..... And thats what hurts so bad... And thats why I cant sleep... Its hard to keep busy when you lying in bed by yourself thinking and worrying about what your husband is doing and wondering if he is okay or not... and dreading the worse....  Johns my one and only, and it is so hard being without him... FUCKING WAR I HATE IT!!!! I'm going to have a mental break down seriously!!! I need to fucking sleep!!

There Goes My Husband.....

So I woke up at 430 yesterday morning to take John to the bus to see him off before he went to Iraq... It was very stressful and a long day... We laughed we cried.. we hugged for hours.. And before I knew he was on the bus heading out... It was a long day after that for me.. He was gone but it didnt seem real... He finally called at midnight here... He was in Maine.. It was 4 there.. It was so good to here his voice though it was tired and raspy.. He's a gaurdian angel ( a guy that stays up and gaurds the other guys with an M4 with live rounds while they travel on the bus and airplane) so he didnt get to sleep at all and only a little time for a phone call to his wife... It was nice though and he seemed chipper through it all... The call definetly put me at ease for the rest of the night... I finally got to sleep like a baby.... But then I woke up from the phone ringing at 950 this morning.. It was John!!! He was in Germany getting ready to bored the plane... He thought it'd be okay to call since it was 4 in the afternoon there...  geez I wasnt expecting phone calls at all hours.. But if thats the case then I'm down for it!! Anything to talk to my hubby wubby bear! Reality finnally kicked in this morning when he called though... I realized he is really gone... Its really depressing...  But in the end I know he'll be alright.. He's the best damn machine gunner they got.. with honors... and he's protecting the colonal.. That means something right? The colonal's boys are only the best..so everyone says... So I have nothing to worry about right?? Except havoc has broken loose again over there in Iraq!! So I have everything to worry about!!! I tell you though the hardest job in the Marine Corps is being a wife!! I do admit I am having a little trouble with it... But please keep John in your prayers.. He's fighting for you!